Raw personal note — not a polished essay. Keeping it here mostly verbatim so I don't lose the ideas. Some wording/spelling stays as-is intentionally.
I saw a video late in the night from a small creator who goes by the name of Vinay Raniga late in the night titled "12 things I wish I knew at 20" where he reveals some insights he has learned as he grew older. I want to make a note of it because I found his insights to be profound and matches with my values & personality.
1. Self fulfillment comes from within, not them.
Rinay claims that when you're in your 20, social status are pretty much everything and a symbol. Who your friends know, who like you and follows you etc. But he argues that that the foundation of long lasting fulfillment comes from one thing which is what do you think of yourself and is reinforced within the mind.
The status of which comes from two things:
- Did you do the things you said you were going to do?
- Did you act in line with your values?
I’ve noticed a lot of people in their 20s chase social validation, like followers, likes, and who your friends know. Rinay made a point that really stuck with me: true fulfillment comes from what you think of yourself. It’s about acting in line with your values and following through on what you say you’ll do. Psychologist Albert Bandura calls this self-efficacy, your belief in your own ability to follow through. Research also shows that acting with integrity boosts your well-being far more than external validation.
So the real question isn’t “Does the world notice me?” It’s: When no one is watching, am I living by my values? That’s where deep, lasting confidence comes from. The verdict is simple.
2. Always have 3 things you are building toward.
Rinay states that it's okay to not have things figured out in your 20s and the chances are that most people probably don't know their true calling. But what we do need to focus on is 3 things we are building up toward in our life. Personally, Professional or Physically. In the context of success in your career Have three things you are building at the same time. A Harvard Business Review piece showed that if you have two to three goals you are working toward that are focused, abd are attainable goals, these will increase your long-term motivation and clarity. As an example he gave us his own examples:
- Sharing ideas on YouTube
- Better a better clinician in the NHS
- Expanding his education business
He also argues that the three things you chose must be renegotiated as goals often change. He recommends often every quarter and to be open to new ideas and project but don't take on too much because our energy is limited. He gave one critical piece of advice that I really took away from this:
"You must be equally as open to closing things down"
Don’t do things halfway. If someone asks what you are up to, you should be able to answer confidently and say "This, this, and this."
3. Choose 3 opinions that matter
Everyone has their own opinions. Most of them don't matter so don't take them to heart. Create 2 filters when judging opinion. Are they expert in their field and are they a well-wishing friend. Having both is rare and one is usually enough. Dunbars research shows that we can emotionally manage about 5 close relationships at a time.
Think to yourself, with what I'm doing at the moment, would these three people be really happy and approve? If the answer is no, reflect deeper on why that's the answer. That's not to say to not trust our intuition but we're social creatures and and seek validation from others. So this is just a sounding board for the decisions we make. Everything else is just noise.
4. Make a list of everyone you know.
As you get older just because of how our modern lives are designed, our friendship and family groups often spread apart and begin to drift. Since you no longer see your friends daily which is pretty sad you need to actively invest in the relationships you want to. This is hard and requires commitment but when life gets busy it's really important. This is evidently backup up by Harvard's 85 year study of adult development that shows that strong relationships are the number 1 predictor of happiness and health. The only way to keep on top of that sounds brutal but is necessary.
He argues that we need to categorize everyone in our lives as a circle...
- Inner Circle
- Outer Circle
- Acquaintances
So that way, we know who to spend our time with and check in with the most. He also argues to keep your parent in the front and center. By the time we turn 18 we already spent 90% of our time with our parents. While we are enjoying our youth, they get old fast so he urges us to spend time with them.
5. Time goes into exponential mode as you age, put in the reps.
There’s a beautiful idea I saw somewhere online that really stuck with me: as you get older, you experience time as 1 divided by your age. At five years old, one year is 25 percent of your life. By 25, it’s only four percent. Each additional year becomes a smaller fraction of the whole life we’ve experienced, so your brain weights it as less significant. Psychologists call this temporal compression, and research shows that our brains perceive time differently as we age. That’s why summer seems to fly by, and we would reflect to ourself “How is it already summer?”
The lesson is that you have to put in the reps in your 20s. Whether it’s your health, relationships, or work, repetition compounds just like money in an investment account. Doing the small, consistent things over and over builds momentum that pays off later. The earlier you start, the stronger that momentum becomes, and the more it sets you apart when you’re older.
6. Guard your attention like your life depends on it
Attention has been on my mind a lot lately. The internet is full of cheap dopamine, like scrolling feeds and endless shorts, and it’s way too easy to get sucked in. The point is simple but brutal: your attention is your life. Time just happens. What you choose to focus on shapes your life. Studies show it takes 23 minutes to refocus after a distraction, so every time you give your attention away, you’re literally spending a chunk of your life.
For me, this is a reminder to be selective. Consume less mindless content and invest in projects, skills, and relationships that actually matter. Guarding your attention isn’t just productivity, it’s self-respect and arguably more important now than ever in our society.
7. Don't get trapped by relationship dogma
You don’t have to marry by 30, date who your friends approve of, or follow what is considered “normal” in your community. Groupthink is real. It’s comfortable, it feels safe, but blindly following it can be a form of self-sabotage. Your gut is there for a reason, listen to it.
At the same time, don’t let your values or beliefs turn into walls that keep you from connecting with others. We sometimes judge or turn away from people because they think differently, interpret situations differently, or believe something we don’t agree with. Often, these misunderstandings come from hearing something secondhand through the grapevine. Learning to listen without immediately reacting is key.
Friendship isn’t about everyone agreeing with you all the time. If it is, it’s not really friendship is it? It’s an echo chamber. True friendship means to allow for differences, challenges your perspective, and still keeps mutual respect and care at its core. That balance between staying true to yourself and remaining open to others is how relationships grows.
8. Learn to sleep.
Sleep isn't just recovery but performance, health and happiness. The average person spends 26 years of their life sleeping. But we don't really think about how to make the most of these 26 years. According to neuroscientist Matthew Walker, sleep affects memory, creativity and mood. If we sleep less than 6 hours it increases our risk of heart disease and cancer. Sleeping more than 8 hours allows our brain to actually rewire properly. Sure you're 20s are about wild, late night adventures but on the routine days, make sleep sacred. Lights out, same time, no screen. It's actually the cheapest productivity hack on earth.
9. Learn to invest.
The power of compounding strikes again. I’ll also continue to emphasized this repeatedly, and it’s worth repeating: Albert Einstein allegedly called it the eighth wonder of the world. Compounding doesn’t just apply to money. It applies to relationships, skills, kindness, fitness, and anything you consistently invest in over time.
Here’s how I see it: the optimist in me wants to believe that money isn’t important for happiness. I like the idea that joy comes purely from experiences, relationships, and personal growth. But the realist in me knows that money actually plays a huge role in enabling those things. Your financial foundation affects your choices, your stress levels, and even how freely you can pursue passions or support others.
The takeaway is simple: build habits now and invest with intention. Every small effort whether it is saving money, learning a new skill, exercising, or nurturing a relationships multiplies over time. What seems small in the moment can compounds into something enormous later. Balancing the optimist and realist inside me helps me remember: aim for joy and meaning, but don’t ignore the practical tools that make them possible.
10. Arts, Music and Play are not optional.
There’s a reason why every culture in history has danced, sung, and told stories. Play isn’t childish, even if some parents or society might tell you that you’re “too old” for it. It’s part of being human. Engaging in creative activities isn’t just fun but it also shapes your mind, your social connections, and your mental health. The World Health Organization has found that participating in the arts improves brain development, social bonds, and emotional well-being.
Art and play change the way you think. They expand your creativity and challenge your perception of the world. But the key is to do more than consume, but to participate actively. Play an instrument, make videos, paint, write, meditate, or try any activity that allows you to create and express yourself. These practices aren’t just hobbies but also ways of exercising the brain, connecting with others, and finding joy that can’t be measured in likes or followers.
The lesson here is simple: don’t deprioritize play and creativity, even in your 20s. They are essential to becoming a fully realized, balanced person.
11. Study philosophy and spirituality.
Most of things we read these days are trying to sell us something. And it's usually online. The best idea are on the cutting edge of modern science but steeped in old ancient antiquity. The classics, the eastern text, the abrahamic text. Q research found that regular spiritual reflection is associated with a 23% higher level of life satisfication. Reading these text in a open-minded way will teach us things not found on the beaten path but also help us make sense of it all.
12. Be Humble. You are not suppose to know yet.
At 20, it’s easy to think we have it all figured out, even when we don’t. Overconfidence can blind us to what we don’t know, and the faster we try to appear wise, the less we actually absorb. Humility is the secret ingredient that allows us to truly learn from others. In Indian culture, for example, touching the feet of elders symbolizes the recognition that wisdom flows to those who are humble. You can’t pour water into a cup that’s already full.
Humility is not low self-esteem; it’s the opposite. It’s being honest with yourself about what you don’t know while recognizing your infinite capacity to learn. CS Lewis said it best: “Humility is not to think less of yourself but to think of yourself less.” It’s a mindset that lets you focus less on ego and more on curiosity, observation, and growth.
The humble person listens more than they speak, seeks understanding instead of validation, and values learning over looking smart. Being humble doesn’t mean inaction or weakness but it means staying open to knowledge, ideas, and perspectives that challenge you.
Here’s another perspective to consider: wisdom often comes from noticing the small details others overlook and from asking questions that seem simple but reveal deep truths. Lao Tzu said, “To know that you do not know is the best. To pretend to know when you do not know is a disease.” The sooner you embrace your “not knowing,” the faster you can grow.
At 20, you don’t need to rush to seem wise. Slow down, observe, absorb, and stay curious. Know how much you don’t know, and stay in the game of curiosity anyway. Every mistake, every unanswered question, and every interaction is a chance to expand your understanding of the world.
End of raw notes.