I think I finally understand networking

Before Year Up United, I never really understood networking. I knew it was supposedly important, especially when you’re starting your career, but the whole thing always felt transactional to me. You reach out to someone you barely know, ask for a coffee chat, talk about their career for a bit, and eventually hope they’ll give you a referral, introduce you to someone, or help you get somewhere.

Maybe that’s a cynical way of looking at it, but I couldn’t get past the feeling that we were basically being taught to build relationships with people because we might want something from them later. It felt like there was always an invisible ask attached.

Year Up changed my mind about that, although not really because anyone sat down and gave me a better definition of networking. I think it was mostly because the program put me around so many people I otherwise would’ve never met. I got to know my coaches, instructors, other students, guest speakers, and people who had taken completely different paths into their careers.

After enough of those conversations, I realized I actually really enjoy this.

I’m curious about what people do. I like hearing how someone ended up where they are, what they’re good at, what they’re currently trying to figure out, and all the weird turns their career took along the way. Sometimes I’ll talk to someone about something I know almost nothing about and leave wanting to learn more about it myself.

There doesn’t need to be anything at the end of the conversation.

I think that’s the part I was missing before.

People care about how you made them feel

My coach at Year Up, Jordan Floro, told us something that has stuck with me: people care about how you made them feel.

I used to think professional conversations were partly about proving yourself. You tell someone what you’re working on, what you’ve accomplished, what you know, and hopefully leave them thinking you’re impressive enough to remember.

But I’m starting to think being remembered has a lot less to do with saying the perfect thing.

Someone probably won’t remember every project I told them about. They might remember that I was genuinely interested in what they had to say. They might remember that I listened, that I asked good questions, or that we just had a nice conversation. And when I see them again, I want to remember what they told me too.

That feels a lot more natural to me than trying to turn myself into a walking elevator pitch.

“Oh, I know someone who does that”

The funny part is that I have ended up building a network through Year Up. I just don’t really experience it as a “network.”

I experience it when someone mentions something and I think, oh, I know someone who does that.

Or I know ___, they’re really good at this.

I kinda love that.

Over time you build this mental map of people. You know what they’re interested in, what they’re good at, what they’ve worked on, and what you could probably learn from them. Maybe someone has a question one day and you know exactly who they should talk to. Maybe you come across something that immediately reminds you of a conversation you had with someone months ago.

And hopefully it works in the other direction too. Maybe someday someone hears about something and thinks, oh, I know Andy. He does that.

That’s very different from the way I used to think about networking. I thought the value was having a bunch of people you could potentially ask for something. Now I think the value is simply knowing a bunch of good people and actually knowing something about them.

Being reserved doesn’t really matter

Another thing Year Up helped me realize is that networking doesn’t require me to suddenly become extremely outgoing.

I’m pretty reserved. I’m probably never going to walk into a room and make it my mission to introduce myself to every person there, and honestly that sounds exhausting anyway.

But I like one-on-one conversations. If someone does something I find interesting, I can ask questions forever. How did you get into it? What do you actually do all day? Why did you choose that path? What’s something people misunderstand about your work?

Once I stopped thinking I need to network with this person and started thinking I want to know more about this person, the whole thing became much easier.

There’s also less pressure that way. I don’t need every conversation to go somewhere. Maybe I talk to someone once and never see them again. That’s fine. Maybe we keep talking. That’s cool too.

I think I had it backwards

Relationships obviously can lead to opportunities. I’m not naive about that part. Referrals exist. Introductions matter. Knowing the right person at the right time can absolutely help you.

But I used to think that was the reason you built the relationship in the first place.

That’s the part I had backwards.

If I meet someone because I’m genuinely curious about them, get to know them over time, remember what they’re working on, help them when I can, and occasionally check in, then maybe something eventually comes from that relationship. Or maybe nothing ever does.

Either is okay.

I’m still pretty bad at the keeping-in-touch part, though. It’s easy to meet someone and have a good conversation. Remembering to message them a few months later when I don’t need anything is harder. That’s something I want to work on, because I definitely don’t want to become the person whose first message in six months is “Hey!! Hope you’ve been doing well! Anyway can you refer me 😭”

I still don’t really love the word networking. It makes something very human sound like a business strategy.

But I understand it now in a way I didn’t before Year Up. I’m not collecting people or trying to figure out what I can extract from every conversation. I’m getting to know people, and I’m genuinely curious about what they do.

Eventually you know enough people that someone mentions something and you get to say, wait, I know someone.

I think that’s pretty cool.